Readings From a Girl's Mind

Have you boys ever had a girlfriend or just a friend who was a girl who seemed to have serious issues accepting herself, and perhaps were unable to understand why? If you have, I'd like to present you with a fairly accurate portrait of the thoughts of one of these ladies. Why is this helpful, you ask? Well, the next time you're tempted to talk down your last blind date to your guy friends because of her loud voice, irritating laugh, bad teeth or large nose, please remember that a little of the girl below resides in every woman you'll ever meet - even the ridiculously gorgeous and confident ones. And if you can manage it, leave your criticism to a short, honest, "She's just not my type."


There's an annoying version of me who likes to offer unsolicited advice and criticism at all times, an omnipresent voice in my head. Our conversations often sound a little like this:

“Which direction today?” I ask the girl in my head, as I try to make myself look decent for a date. She often likes to show up and direct me in a "don't get too full of yourself" pep talk at times like these.

“Well, let me tell you, getting a guy is like trying to make a really massive purchase. Beauty’s a whole lot like cash – it’s easy, it’s fast. Accepted everywhere, beauty is the most direct track to what you want. Then there’s personality. I like to think of personality as more like credit. If there’s no actual cash to back it up, you’re not going anywhere fast. And not everybody takes the kind that you have, but credit’s very useful. Most places like to know that you have good credit before they trust you with a significant loan, car, house, etc. Similarly, boys appreciate you having a good personality score, although some of them will flat out refuse you because you’re the wrong type. And then there's...”

“Intelligence,” I mumble. I know where this is going, and I wonder for a moment why I’m listening.

“Yes, what about intelligence?”

“Intelligence is like a savings account from which you can never make an extraction. Guys like the way it sounds, but they really don’t consider it as being of much use to them. Bottom line, it’s not helping.”

“Too right it’s not. And how did we classify you?”

“Upper end of intelligence spectrum, low to middling amounts of beauty, and what seems to be a really hideous personality if you’re not looking closely enough.”

"Yup. Good job, I think you're about ready for your date, don't you?"

I sigh. “It would be so nice to be as pretty as I am smart…I could just switch them - be average to a little above in intelligence (because that’s really all boys need), and a little further from average in the looks department. Everything would be so much easier..."

She laughs at me. “Don’t forget that personality of yours, hon.”

“Oh, yeah. Ah...it would be so nice to just be someone else...There's just so much that's wrong with me...”

Satisfied, the harsh other-me gets up to leave. “And don’t you forget it.”


And Ladies... Don't think you're getting off scott-free on this post. This one's a reminder for you too - we need to play nicely a lot more often, girls. This is why. We know how much it sucks to hear fourth hand that this or that girl thinks we're trampy, rude, stuck-up, ugly, etc. This post is my plea to you as much as to boys: don't bad-mouth girls when they're not around. Even the annoyingly hot ones with every boy you've ever wanted slavering all over them. I'm not perfect, so don't feel like I'm chastising you from my Clydesdale or anything. Even though I've been guilty of this too, I know how much I hate it when it comes back to me. If you've ever felt like this, please. Start playing nice with the other kids.

Jacky Faber